“Let him who desires peace prepare for war.”
-Flavius Vegetius Renatus
“Hey, rookie! You’re in the Wild Wild West now. Might wanna put some meat on those bones or the wind might carry you back home to mommy!” Laughter filled the roll call room. I didn’t dare turn around. The anonymous voice from the back of the room continued, “Make sure you meet me at the gym after end of watch!” I replied with an obedient “Sir, yes, sir!” I was assigned to infamous 77th Division. 11.9 square miles of an iniquitous part of the city located smack in the middle of South Central Los Angeles. A small section of the city where remnants of the crack boom from the 80’s still snarled it’s ugly teeth. Nefariously claimed by a culture of gang-warfare, toothless prostitutes and an illicit drug trade. It’s a place where children play gaily and naively in school yards adjacent to walls spray painted defiantly with “Rolling 60’s” “Hoover” “Nine Duece Crip” “Slob Killa” & the occasional “Fuck LAPD” or “187 Officer [insert name here]”. The local “crackheads” push shopping carts in masses. They trudge along with their jaundiced eyes & missing teeth, aged beyond belief. Their uncannily slim bodies proof that addiction had gripped their lives long ago. Liquor store walls lined by jobless alcoholics who drank all day and all night from brown paper bags, it’s contents a mystery.
The summer of ’05 was a particularly violent summer. The infighting between a violent street gang on the west side of the division filled South Central sewers with a steady flow of fresh blood. With each vicious homicide I continued to develop and hone my police skills. Sadly there was plenty of practice to go around. Setting up a crime scene became second nature to me. Even the Nation of Islam stepped in with a failed attempt to quell the black-on-black murders occurring on a daily basis. But even with their attempt at peace, a clash with police nearly broke out into a riot. It was surreal. It didn’t seem to make any sense. Every addict had crack. Every parolee ran from the police. Every gangster had a gun. Every pursuit ended with force. Every PCP suspect fought officers until the bitter end. Every officer involved shooting was one too many. It’s a small section of the city where bullets are fast, violence is plentiful and life is cheap.
Most police officers will remember their first year on probation for the rest of their lives. The dreaded “rookie year” is the first 13-months spent in the streets immediately following the academy training. It is a time period where you take everything you have learned and apply it to the streets. A probationary time alloted to determine if a person has what it takes to do the job or not. It’s sink or swim in a world full of hungry sharks where rookies are seen as the guppies at the bottom of the food chain. We had to earn our keep in a fast division and most of us figured out real quick we were far, far away from the safe & comfortable air-conditioned classrooms back in the academy!
On my very first day on the streets my probation officer had me remove my academy issued low-top parade shoes and put on my boots. He ordered me to add any additional ammunition and any additional handcuff case onto my duty belt. He had me get rid of my academy issued firearm holster (he referred to it as the “Take-Away 2000”) and replace it with a holster that had atleast double retention capabilities. He made it clear that certain things I will have to earn. However incidents unfold fast and hard in 77th Division and certain equipment can mean survival for the both of us. Little did I know that on my first day I would be counting bullet holes on a dead 22-year old drug dealer’s lower extremities, compliments of a fully automatic rifle. Little did I know I would be making the death notification to his hardworking mother. Little did I know a parolee would run from me while handcuffed with MY handcuffs on him. Little did I know I would conduct a search on a crack addict who had freshly defecated in his pants, therefore learning a valuable lesson in ‘gloving-up’ and what’s known in the medical world as ‘universal precautions’. And all on my first day! Every citizen, gangster, thug, pimp and stray dog I came in contact with could smell the brand new leather I wore. My virgin duty belt still squeaked from lack of use. My boots were untarnished and missing scuffs, further announcing my inexperience. My bald head screamed: ROOKIE!!! My stance was a perfect robotic posture. I might as well have had a neon sign above my head that read: “First Day Rookie!” I have to confess I didn’t know much about ACTUAL police work yet, but I was ready handle business if called upon!
Believe it or not, one of the first things I was taught early in my career was to lie. Honesty is a trait in my character and in my profession that I don’t take lightly. But even with that, I was taught to lie to strangers when I was off-duty. I was told to always have a different profession in mind when asked what I did for a living. It was a let down to not be able to share with others who I was and what I did. I was, and still am, extremely proud of my profession. So why was I taught to lie about my day job? Unfortunately, the stigma of being a police officer comes with negative perceptions, stereotypical assumptions and a bona fide hatred for what I do. Telling the wrong person I’m a police officer can often mean having to deal with small discomforts: bad service, “special” sauce in my food, questions, expectations, people shaking their heads in disapproval. Those are only little things. I can deal with that. But what if the person is a true cop-hater? That would suddenly put me in a hostile position when all I wanted to do was be honest during small talk with a total stranger.
So I thought of what profession would be fitting AND believable. What would suit me? Doctor? Can you see me in a white coat with a stethoscope hanging on my neck? Me neither. Fighter jet pilot for the good ol’ U.S. of A? I could go on and on with stories of top secret combat missions behind enemy lines! Impressing the ladies! Then once they asked too many questions I could end it with the classic: “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you” That would be rad! Hmmm....naw, not believable enough. I thought some more. Maybe I could tell people I was a Chip’n’Dales Dancer. I looked down at my beer belly and knew THAT idea was not an option either. After a while I noticed the question came up a lot more than expected. So I finally decided on the pseudo-career of firefighter. Both the professions of firefighting and police officer are in the business of saving lives. The difference is people actually like firefighters. So there it was. I was officially unofficially a firefighter for the city of Los Angeles. I was on probation when I was told to lie about my profession while off-duty. And it didn’t take long to figure out there were more serious reasons to hide the fact that I was a police officer to strangers while off-duty.
This finally brings me to the topic at hand: My personal choice to carry a firearm while off-duty. I have debated quite frequently with a couple of my family members on this issue. I have been accused of trying to be a “tough guy”. So I want to attempt to find the fulcrum between the police officer mentality and the non-police officer mentality on this issue by explaining some of the reasons why most law enforcement personnel choose to carry their firearm while off-duty, or atleast MY personal reasons for doing so.
First and foremost I want you to remember that I chose to work in the very same community I lived in. I did that for over three and a half years. Only after realizing the danger that posed to my mother did I decide to move elsewhere. Even now that I moved I still frequent my old neighborhood when I visit my family and friends. Forget the fact that I’m a police officer for just a second. As a fellow survivor of the hood I understand the realism and frequency of violent crimes in the neighborhood I am from. I continue to live a big part of my life there. It is obvious that one can live in a bad neighborhood without being armed and live a relatively worry-free day to day life. But the fact that I am allowed to carry a concealed firearm off-duty and choose to do so has nothing to do with me trying to be a “tough guy” and everything to do with the protection of my family and friends when I am with them. I cannot protect them every second of the day, but knowing firsthand the violence that occurs, my sense of responsibility to protect them when that worst what-if scenario hits the fan is paramount in my soul! This reason for me carrying a concealed firearm while off-duty is THE most important reason for me doing so.
The second reason I wanted to explain is the fact that a police officer is more prone to encounter violence on AND off-duty as compared to a normal citizen. A sad truth in the world of ‘good guy vs bad guy’ in America is the notoriety a gangster will achieve if he/she assaults or even kills a police officer. Most gang members have been put away or know someone who has been put away for a long time behind bars. Their sociopathic ways always lead them to believe it was the cops fault that they or their loved one is doing or has done hard time. They truly believe that they are the victim and the police officer is the sole reason for their criminal record. This results in a hatred for any person in an police uniform. It’s an ugly game of cat-and-mouse on the streets of LA. As a police officer, I’m game when they are! It’s all fair play out there on the streets. However, when police officers are off the clock and their uniforms come off, the rules do not change. It’s a small world. There are countless stories of my co-workers being off-duty and running into a gangster or thug they arrested a week prior. Think about an off-duty officer in this situation with his/her daughter or son at the park or local supermarket. Should we as a society say, “Oh well! He’s off the clock! The gangster should know that and take it into consideration!” I’m hope the answer is an overwhelming “no”. The criminal element in todays modern world is even brazen enough to follow police officers home at the end of their shifts and ambush them! It’s frightening to know the general public never hears about these attacks. A police officer is called upon by the community for protection from gangsters and thugs on the street. They put themselves on the line to protect life and property. Sadly when they go home at the end of the night, the violent world of ‘cops and robbers’ continues. It doesn’t cease when they clock out for the day. It is a reality that police officers live with every day of their life and, in my eyes, a perfectly valid reason to carry a concealed firearm while off-duty.
April 16, 2007-Virginia Tech Massacre: 32 shot dead, 23 others wounded
April 20, 1999-The Columbine Shooting: 13 shot dead, 23 others wounded
November 26, 2008-Mumbai, India: 10 terrorists, 172 shot dead, 293 wounded
I searched “shooting rampages in America” for a few examples to list and was taken aback by the number of shootings at workplaces, shopping malls, schools, churches and parks across our country. So I simply listed three well known shootings above. In this modern day of terrorist attacks around the world and homegrown al Queda cells within our own borders, protecting our citizens is a priority. Be it from international or domestic terrorists. It is a daunting threat that looms precariously over our country and we must continue to find ways to protect our citizens on many fronts. Former President Bush took the police officer’s right to carry a concealed firearm one step further and allowed that right to be exercised in any state in the country. It was done in the interest of Homeland Security from both domestic and foreign terrorists. Like him or not, it was done in the interest of YOUR safety and livelihood as well. Whether it’s a terrorist attack on our soil, or simply someone gone postal in a public place with numerous potential unarmed victims (an unimaginable phenomenon that has occurred over and over and over again in our country), an armed off-duty officer is a benefit to our country, our society, our community and our families.
Some might argue that off-duty officers carrying a concealed firearm is a liability to our community and puts citizens in greater risk of injury. It’s imperative that I explain my thought process as a trained professional. An extensive part of my training, along with that of my colleagues, is our off-duty responsibility while being armed. I was taught that I am more useful as a good witness and alive rather that a dead hero. Drawing and exhibiting my firearm while on an off-duty capacity is even more dangerous than doing it while at work. I do not have the luxury of a partner, extra ammunition, a back-up gun, a radio to call for reinforcements, a bullet proof vest or even a uniform to provide an obvious identity of who I am & my intentions. Officers know these dangers well. I also have to balance the situation at hand and be sure it’s worth putting the loved ones I am with in precarious positions. Obviously it’s all thrown out of the window in an immediate defense of life situation, but these are decisions that have to be made at a moment’s notice. It takes a person with higher training and a true sense of responsibility to carry a firearm off-duty. We always have to AVOID conflict at all costs and always be the bigger person when challenged BECAUSE we are armed. I feel comfortable enough in my training and in the discipline of my trade to carry a firearm off-duty.
Throughout my probation and further into my career I have observed senseless violence at levels that boggle the mind. It has evolved into a greater sense of readiness (not to be confused with paranoia). With time, a part of me has become calloused to the initial sting of such violence. The frequency of robberies, murders, rapes and beatings on a day to day basis is an epidemic that slowly became part of the reality of my life. Have I became jaded in a sense? I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. As much as I love my profession, I make a conscious effort to balance out my off-duty life as a way to combat the harsh effects so much exposure to violence can have on my the mind, body and soul. But no matter which way you slice it, at the end of the day, even after I clock out and am officially “off-duty”, like it or not I will remain a police officer. My actions in my personal life are scrutinized at a higher level than a civilian. As a police officer, an error in judgement can cost me my job or even land me in prison. The same error in judgement committed by a non police officer will have little or no effect on that person’s profession. It’s a higher set of standards I live my personal life by and a way of life I accept with pride.
Certain career fields choose you. They are an encompassing representation of a person’s personality and character. If someone is lucky enough to be in a profession that they feel they were destined to do, it usually comes with a higher degree of passion in ones duties. In so many of these career fields when it comes time to clock out, the person lives their personal life as most do. However, in the core of them, the thread of what represents the foundation of their belief system can never be truly shut off. Law Enforcement is one of those careers.
Bottomline: no police officer wants to be put in such an unnerving situation. Especially while surrounded by their loved ones. But there are REAL reasons why I choose to carry my firearm while off-duty. It is not to be that “tough guy”, rather it’s the nature of my profession coupled with my sense of duty to protect the safety of family, friends, community and of course: myself.
Well, it’s that time again, time to “clock out!” Until my next blog, dawg!
PIECE LOVE & WHISKEY
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Fallen Officer Since Last Blog: 4 Souls
Total Line-of-Duty Deaths for 2011: 73 Souls
Police Officer Robert V. Oswain
New York City Police Department, NY
End of Watch: Saturday, May 15, 2010
Age: 42
Tour of Duty: 10 years
Cause of Death: Toxic material inhaled during Sept. 11th 2001 terrorist attack
Survived by: Wife, parents & 5 siblings
Police Officer Andrew Garton
Hawthorne Police Department, CA
End of Watch: Thursday, May 26, 2011
Age: 44
Tour of Duty: 7 years, 6 months
Cause of Death: Motorcycle accident while providing funeral escort for fellow officer
Survived by: Wife & 2 children
Sergeant Kenneth Gary Vann
Bexar County Sheriff's Office, TX
End of Watch: Saturday, May 28, 2011
Age: 48
Tour of Duty: 24 years, 6 months
Cause of Death: Ambushed by gunfire while stopped at a red light
Survived by: Wife & 3 children
Police Officer Kevin Will
Houston Police Department, TX
End of Watch: Sunday, May 29, 2011
Age: 38
Tour of Duty: 1 year, 8 months
Cause of Death: Struck by a drunk driver’s vehicle while investigating a hit-and-run
Survived by: Expectant wife, 2 children & parents
